I've got dirty laundry and so do you!

Yep. I'm so tired of always have to act as if everything is absoluetly perfect. What the hell is prefect anyway? What works for one person may not work at all for the next. Really, I'm just tired. Every since I can remember, I've been nominated as 'little miss perfect.' I didn't crown myself with this title. It was given to me. Nor did my parents give it to me. (They know I'm not 'perfect') I was never to misbehave. Never to get a 'bad grade.' In fifth grade, I wasn't even allowed to "not smile", without the teacher calling a parent/teacher conference, to find out "what was wrong with me." ( I was being picked on, that's what was wrong with me- which by February of that school year those girls had caused me to fall on the playground and break my four top front teeth...yay me!). I was always to sing the loudest, try the hardest. Know all the Bible Verses. Not be interested in boys. Not be a teen mom. Not have fun. In fact, when people saw me have fun they were surprised...."you like to have fun?"

I'm tired of people saying, "must be nice." So for all of you who think my life is so nice, so shiny and new. Here's my laundry..by the way, you've got some too!

1. 10 years ago when I met my husband he was just fine. Now he has epilepsy and arthritis. I'm on call to massage an arm, leg, shoulder, etc. He can't play with our children without being in pain. He can't walk without being in pain. He must always be supervised. Any extra sound he makes brings my blood pressure up because it might be him falling and having a seizure. I try to keep my children from seeing them, it's not good for them to see that. I lived in hospitals so much, I practically missed the first 4 years of my eldest son's life. This means I have to do most of the work. And no, I don't have help.

2. Meanwhile, we own a life and health insurance brokerage. My husband is amazing at what he does. Despite this, time and time again, his agents do not perform as they should. They say they respect him. They say they've learned more with him than ever. But do they write business consistently? Do they come to all their trainings? Do they follow the goal plans that have been designed for them? Most don't. They are wasting our time. Oh and the women, refuse to act right. Yep I said it. They think that all I do is sit at home and play with my kids, so they say, "must be nice." And often times they don't do what their supposed to do either. However, they don't mind the wives of the white men they have contracts with living a middle-class life. There are times I go literally 48 hrs without sleep...yeah that's real nice. I'm not at home playing with my kids all day. That's not my life. I set my husband's schedule, I do admin work, I take care of the taxes, etc. All the freakin' paperwork, legal stuff, etc. is my domain. the only difference is I don't get paid. I get to eat every month.

3. With everything that's going on in my life, only my relationship with God has stopped me from just running away, or filing for a divorce. This shit is not easy at all! That being said, I do wonder what in the hell I did to deserve the life I have. My life should be perfect. I should have a 5ksqft home, I should have six cars, I should vacation 3 times a year, my kids should be in the best private schools, my husband should be just as strong and youthful as he was 10 years ago..I mean it's only been 10 years!

So keep your "must be nice" comments to yourself. I never said my life was perfect. I'm over here trying not to drown. And for all the people who I've been a friend to over the years, keeping you from killing yourself, giving encouragement, helping, etc....it's your turn to return the favor...Unless you were never my friend to begin with.

And in that case Goodbye and Goodriddens!